it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
