There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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