I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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