My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
