So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
