So many bounce houses so little time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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