dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
