You work out of a Hotel?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
