What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
