we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
