xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
