you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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