sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
