She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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