Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
