I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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