I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
