I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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