Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
