Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
