Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
