it was like his penis was on wheels.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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