I've blown a few things in my day
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
