I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
