just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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