i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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