i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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