one might say we're banned from that church
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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