I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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