I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
