He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
