I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
