so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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