I should be sponsored by Trojan
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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