You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
