Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
