Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
