Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
