Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
