Someone shit on the floor
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
