HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
