I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
