Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
