he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
