Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
