Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
