I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
