he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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