I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
