I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
